it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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