she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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