Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
