Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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