You smell like stripper and shame
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
