my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
