i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
