What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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