Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
