I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
