I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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