Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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