I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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