Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
