We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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