i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
