You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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