i'm signing you up for texting rehab
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
