I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
