This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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