Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize