On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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