My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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