So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
