it's too hot outside to masturbate.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
