he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
