There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize