I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
