so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
