I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
