i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
