just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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