You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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