We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
