dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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