My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
