how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
