Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
