No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
