I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
