I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I didn't notice because vodka
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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