take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
