it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
