I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
