Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
