this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
