This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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