remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
im having a threesome with these popsicles
sarcasm needs its own font
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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