3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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