I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i came on her dog
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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