I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
