I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
