YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize