I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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