We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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