He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
