she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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