Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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