yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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