i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
