My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
