community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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