i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
