i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
