That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
