id be glad to
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
