ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
