Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
