we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
