Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
