she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
