...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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